family-relationships3.905 min read
"Sister's Fury: Undermining Her Children's Rules Sparks Conflict"
1 year ago•Source: Chicago Tribune
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2.955 min•1 year ago
"Sibling Struggle: Overcoming the Impact of an Abusive Childhood"
A reader seeks advice on how to navigate a strained relationship with their brother, stemming from their abusive childhood. Amy suggests that the tension and instability in their relationship is a result of growing up in an abusive household, where they were trained to remain on high alert. She advises the reader to reach out to their brother in a genuine and unguarded manner, despite the fear of doing the wrong thing, in the hope of inspiring their brother to relax and be himself.
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"Ask Amy: Handling Upset Family Over Missed Calls"
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"Struggling with Parental Boundaries: My Pleas for Personal Space Go Unheard - Dear Abby"
A reader seeks advice on how to get their parents to respect their boundaries regarding physical contact, as they have always been uncomfortable with being touched. Despite expressing their discomfort, the parents continue to hug them, dismissing their protests and resorting to guilt trips. The columnist advises the reader to have a candid conversation with their parents, explaining the impact of their actions and setting clear boundaries. If the parents persist, the reader is encouraged to limit their interactions and communicate the reasons for doing so.
In-Laws Deliver Harsh Criticism After Messy House Visit
A couple with demanding jobs and two young children are criticized by their in-laws for having a messy house. The in-laws not only expressed concern about the state of the house but also suggested the couple may have a hoarding issue and attacked their parenting. The couple feels hurt and violated by the boundary violation and seeks advice on how to address the issue. Suggestions include the husband standing up for his spouse, setting boundaries with the in-laws, and seeking an honest opinion from a trusted friend about the state of the house.
Navigating Family Tensions: In-Laws and Alcoholism
A mother is upset that her son and daughter-in-law invited her daughter-in-law's parents to stay at their family cabin, feeling uncomfortable with strangers in the house. In response, the son and daughter-in-law decide to skip the visit altogether and go to the wife's family instead. The columnist advises the mother to apologize and welcome the daughter-in-law's parents, as her reaction has deeply insulted her son's extended family. In another question, a mother expresses hurt over not receiving gifts or cards on special occasions from her adult children, while she faithfully acknowledges their birthdays and partners. The columnist suggests having a conversation with her children about their different perspectives on gift-giving and valuing the phone calls they do make.
Generational Clash: MIL's Tattoo Tribute Sparks DIL's Outrage
A mother-in-law's decision to get a tattoo in honor of her granddaughter has caused tension within the family, with the daughter-in-law feeling that boundaries were overstepped. While getting tattoos to honor loved ones is common, disagreements can arise when parents and relatives have different ideas on how to show love to children. Clinical psychologist Michele Goldman advises clear communication and setting boundaries to address such situations. It is important for grandparents to respect parents' rules and not undermine them in front of the children. Ultimately, maintaining a healthy relationship and open communication is key in navigating these challenges.
Family Tensions: When Visiting Loved Ones Becomes a Hospitality Dilemma
A new grandmother is upset that her son insists she stay in an Airbnb when she visits him and her grandson, despite having a three-bedroom home. She finds the cost and staying alone uncomfortable. The son refuses to pick her up from the airport or let her stay with them. The columnist suggests finding alternative accommodations or declining to visit altogether, as the son has set a firm boundary.
"Generous Giving: The Ungrateful Reality of Grown Children"
A mother is frustrated that her grown children never thank her for the thousands of dollars she gives them each year, with the eldest receiving three times as much due to her illness and criminal past. The mother is considering stopping her giving but seeks advice on other options. The columnist suggests that the mother should redirect her generosity towards her eldest daughter's rehabilitation and therapy, as well as contribute to a victim's fund. She also advises the mother to express her expectations of gratitude to her other children and consider redirecting her giving towards a trust for her grandchildren's education.
Navigating Gender Stereotypes in Family Vacation Planning
A woman is hesitant to host her adult nieces at her beach house due to their disrespectful and messy behavior, which has caused damage in the past. She is willing to host her polite and respectful nephew, causing tension within the family. The aunt is advised to have a family meeting to address the issue and provide concrete examples of her nieces' bad behavior. She is encouraged to maintain her boundaries and not push her nephew to visit if it causes drama. In a separate question, a man seeks advice on maintaining a relationship with his ex-wife's adopted daughter, whom he considers part of his family. The columnist emphasizes the importance of including her in outings and spending time together, even if his biological children are less interested in such activities.
"Grandma's New Neighborly Power Play: Rewriting the Rules"
A 75-year-old woman who recently moved next door to her son's family to spend time with her grandkids is seeking advice on how to handle her daughter-in-law's strict rules. While she feels the rules are unnecessary and take away from her joy, she acknowledges the need to honor them. She specifically wants to address the issue of her gifts not being opened promptly. However, the columnist advises against trying to assert control and suggests focusing on being a supportive and involved grandmother instead.
"Unveiling a Family Secret: A Mother's Dilemma in Revealing the Truth to Her Daughter"
A mother seeks advice on how to tell her 30-year-old daughter that her father is actually her brother, as they used her husband's adult son's sperm to conceive. The mother is anxious and worried about revealing the truth, as it will complicate every family relationship her daughter has. Psychologists warn that internal family secrets can be damaging, creating feelings of betrayal. Discovering shocking paternity truths through DNA ancestry testing has become increasingly common, leading to a spike in paternity fraud cases. Despite potential emotional fallout, experts emphasize the importance of truth and connection in family relationships.
"Grandparents' Visit Doesn't Stop Toddler's Daycare Routine"
A couple who live 900 miles away from their son, his wife, and their 2 1/2-year-old granddaughter were offended when their son insisted their granddaughter needed to go to daycare instead of spending time with them while they both worked. The grandparents had hoped to take their granddaughter to the park, library, and out for lunch to get to know her better. However, the son's decision was final, and the grandparents were advised to respect the rhythms of their household. In another question, a guest with food allergies was advised to make discreet arrangements for their survival at a destination wedding.