"Decoding the 31 Signs of an Exceptional or Disastrous Restaurant Experience"

People share their unique criteria for judging whether a restaurant will be amazing or terrible, including checking online reviews for owner responses, paper menus indicating frequent menu changes, knowledgeable servers, clean floors, unusual hours for barbecue joints, clean restrooms and proper food storage, friendly hosts, ugly websites for hole-in-the-wall restaurants, diverse vegetarian options, efficient service, good soup, homemade condiments, fresh chips and salsa at Mexican restaurants, popularity among locals, reasonable substitutions, freebies for dessert, quality ingredients, absence of fusion cuisine, lack of air conditioning in non-American countries, honest recommendations from waitstaff, local advertising, high volume of to-go orders, hidden gems in European cities, authentic tonkotsu broth for ramen, visible kitchen, and good coleslaw.